As anyone who’s ever been hemmed in at the end of a row in a busy cinema knows, the closing credits can sometimes seem longer than feature itself – with everyone from the studio top dogs to assistants assistants jostling for a bit of recognition before the entire theatre empties out. Binoculars might be required to view the rolling type, but getting your name up is still one of the surest ways of proving you’ve made it in the biz (even if just to your mum). How to get there? Here are a few tips…
Change your name to Alan Smithee…
There are people queuing up to credit their work to Alan Smithee. There’s no gratitude for the glory though, for not only is Alan pure fiction, but these projects are some of the industry’s biggest duds. Coined in 1968, the name is the official pseudonym used by directors wishing to disown a film – normally after final cut had been taken out of their hands. It’s now been discontinued, but there are still plenty of films up on Alan’s CV – Kiefer Sutherland gave him one of his early directorial works, Woman Wanted, while Michael Mann was so unhappy with a TV edit of Heat that he passed his title over to him too.
Make friends with Kevin Smith on MySpace…
After the release of Jersey Girl, Kevin Smith probably needed all the mates he could get, but it was still a personable gesture when he announced that all of the ‘friends’ in his MySpace network would be credited in his 2006 flick Clerks 2. The exceptionally long list meant some theatres killed their projectors early, but the complete selection of names can still be viewed on the DVD credits – and Smith has announced that he could try something similar in the future, so buddy him up while you can.
Win an Oscar…
Although Colin Farrell was originally down for top billing in Miami Vice, when Jamie Foxx won a coveted Oscar for Ray it was decided that he should received the credit instead. So as to not put Farrell out too much, studio bosses offered a little comprise in that while Foxx’s name was to appear first in the opening credits, the Irish actor would still receive top billing in the closing credits. The choice was ultimately Foxx’s though.
Be willing to demean yourself…
Don’t mind being known as ‘woman who urinates herself’? It worked for Anne Sellors
Pretend you’re someone else…
Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker films (Naked Gun, Scary Movie) have often included fictional production members – as was the case with Monty Python. No one else is going to claim the name, so you might as well.
Become a movie maverick and thus appear on everything…
Is there a closing sequence that doesn’t feature Harvey Weinstein’s name? Such is his power, he only needs pick up the phone and lands a credit. Meanwhile, surely the ‘executive producer’ title was only created to appease talent with ambitions behind the camera (Tom Cruise has the credit for almost every movie he’s starred in).
Make friends with the closing credit designers – they know a few tricks…
Steve McQueen and Paul Newman both tried to obtain top billing for The Towering Inferno. To keep both actors happy, the credits were arranged diagonally with McQueen at the lower left and Newman at the upper right, which meant both guys appeared to have top billing depending on whether you read from left to right or top to bottom.
Don’t become a writer…
With script rewrites so widespread in movieland, being a writer is a competitive job – especially if you’re looking for a film credit. For instance, between 1993 and 1997, the writing credits on 415 films (one-third of those submitted) were decided through adjudication by the Writers Guild. Traditionally, it’s the last writer to have worked on a project that gets the credit – even though the initial scribe could’ve been the person who got the film green lit by the studio.
Learn to cook, sew or drive…
All sets rely on an array of skivvies to keep maintain a smooth running – the jobs might be humble (best-boy doesn’t actually mean the film’s top guy), but they’re essential cogs in the machine, so credit is given where credit is due. Craft services and catering are probably some of the most popular employees on set – film-making is thirsty work.
Start at the bottom…
Even Spielberg had to start out as production assistant in the 60s. The hours might be long and the short-term rewards slim for runners and assistants, but it’s still the most legit way to get yourself a credit.
