The Golden Globes 2014: The jokes, the awards, the shocks

While the Golden Globe Awards 2014 may have been a disappointing night for the Brits, with most coming away empty handed, the night was certainly entertaining, with awards shocks, bumbling speeches, the occasional faux pas and a lot of laughs.

12 Years a Slave

Awards ceremonies all start to look the same after a while. The stars walk the red carpet in their finery, wine and dine, and hope this is their year to gain a brand new statue for weight lifting purposes. The Golden Globes, as the hosts of the occasion often joke, is considered the less classy more rowdy younger brother of the Academy Awards. Nevertheless, as the first ceremony in Awards Season, it’s a great indication of which projects will be the big winners through to March.

Still, we’ll skip all the boring bits and get to the point with the bits you really want to hear about.

Fey and Poehler’s hosting performance

Fey and PoehlerThey certainly don’t push the boat out quite as far as Ricky Gervais did when he hosted, but Saturday Night Live besties Tina Fey and Amy Poehler brought the laughs last night during their opening monologue and throughout the show. Some of their best jokes include:

About Matthew McConaughey – “For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, he lost 45 pounds — or what actresses call being in a movie.”

When announcing the next presenter – “And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.”

On Meryl Streep: “Meryl Streep is so brilliant in Osage: August County, proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60.”

On the movie Gravity: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away in space and die than spend any more time with a woman his own age.”

The best speech goes to…

Cate BlanchettFor us the winner with the best speech last night was Blue Jasmine‘s Cate Blanchett, who won Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama . We’d have happily sat and watched her thank everyone in the world from Woody Allen to Sally Hawkins, but then the dreaded music began to play her off and she said: “I just wondered can people at home hear this music, or do they think you’re just getting really fast because you’re having a panic attack? Which I’m probably having!”

Her parting words have caused members of the political correctness police to pull out their pitch forks though. “Thank you,” she said, “for plying me with vodka the way Judy Garland was probably plied with barbiturates.” Don’t worry, Cate, we know there was no intent behind it.

Leonardo wins but will he get the Oscar?

Leonardo DiCaprioIt’s a well known joke around the internet that Leonardo DiCaprio, who probably ought to have at this point, has never won an Academy Award. So when he was named as a nominee for this year’s Golden Globes, the jokes naturally resurfaced. That is, until he was named Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy last night for his role in The Wolf of Wall Street.

Obviously the internet began buzzing with possibility. Could this be his year? Perhaps not this time around, but I’m sure the whole experience will make for more comedic memes and gifs. Besides, Leonardo says he doesn’t do gritty and character-driven films where he portrays the title character for the accolades. It’s just great to be there…


Jennifer Lawrence won Best Supporting Actress

Jennifer LawrenceYeah, you’re not the only one who may have been a little surprised by this win, although when you consider the fickle nature of The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, and their tendency to favour big stars over the lesser known newcomers, in a way I’m not. Good as Jennifer’s performance in American Hustle was, 12 Years a Slave‘s Lupita Nyong’o, who was the front runner, really ought to have taken the globe for her heartbreaking portrayal of Patsey. We still love Jen though, and she did provide some much needed comedy in David O’Russell’s latest flick. Plus, she’s actually a part of our next highlight too.



The best photobomb

Jennifer Lawrence photobombs Taylor SwiftWhat’s an award ceremony without a photo bomb? Taylor Swift was in the middle of an interview for E! Online, when last year’s Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence crept up behind her. Jen, who admitted on Conan O’Brien that she was hyperactive as a child and medication “didn’t make a dent” in calming her down, told Taylor: “I was gonna’ come and push you down the stairs.” Taylor replied, “You should have. People would love it.”

Emma Thompson, bare feet and a martini

Emma ThompsonOne can always rely on Emma Thompson to not take proceedings too seriously. Remember, back in 1996 when she won the Golden Globe for Best Screenplay for Sense and Sensibility, she read out her acceptance speech in the way she thought Jane Austen would have responded. This year, she presented the award for Best Screenplay and walked on stage with her shoes and a martini in her hands to announce Spike Jonze as the winner for Her. Pointing to the red on her shoes she said: “I just want you to know, this red is my blood,” before forgetting to bring the envelope out. Whether she was feigning inebriation for laughs or was genuinely a bit squiffy, we love her for this.


Find the full list of winners below:

  • Best motion picture, drama: 12 Years A Slave
  • Best motion picture, musical or comedy: American Hustle
  • Best director for motion picture: Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity
  • Best actor in a motion picture, drama: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
  • Best actress in a motion picture, drama: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
  • Best actor in a motion picture, comedy: Leonardo DiCaprio, Wolf of Wall Street
  • Best actress in a motion picture, comedy: Amy Adams, American Hustle
  • Best supporting actor in a motion picture: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
  • Best supporting actress in a motion picture: Jennifer Lawrence
  • Best screenplay: Spike Jonze, Her
  • Best foreign language film: The Great Beauty
  • Best original score: Alex Ebert, All is Lost
  • Best original song from a motion picture: Ordinary Love, from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
  • Best animated feature film: Frozen
  • Best TV drama: Breaking Bad
  • Best actor in a TV series, drama: Bryan Cranston
  • Best actress in a TV series, drama: Robin Wright, House of Cards
  • Best actor in a TV series, comedy: Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  • Best actress in a TV series, Comedy: Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
  • Best TV series, comedy or musical: Brooklyn 99
  • Best supporting actor in a TV series, mini-series or TV movie: Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
  • Best mini-series or TV movie: Behind the Candelabra
  • Best actor in a mini-series or TV movie: Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
  • Best actress in a mini-series or TV movie: Elisabeth Moss
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