When I say that these particular pot-bellied men can normally be found drinking rum and singing loudly out of tune, I’m not talking about embarrassing dads on a night out. I’m talking about the men of the high seas – Pirates.
But of course, any pirate knows that you can’t be taken seriously if you haven’t won the prestigious Pirate of the Year award. This is exactly why the The Pirate Captain from the upcoming 3D stop-motion picture, Pirates in an Adventure with Scientists, is on a quest to steal Queen Victoria’s gold.
Featuring Hugh Grant as the voice of The Pirate Captain, this family fun film sees a misfit crew – which includes a monkey, a dodo and a fish in a pirate hat – sail to England in order to execute the greatest pirate robbery of all time. This of course gives The Pirate Captain a great chance of winning the golden skull trophy. Things can only end brilliantly…
With the release of Pirates in an Adventure with Scientists next week, we have brought together some of the greatest fictional pirates of all time to create the ultimate pirate crew.
Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
A pirate crew wouldn't be complete without the slurring and scheming Captain Jack Sparrow.
Special Skills: Jack has the ability to escape from desert islands with nothing but a couple of turtles and bottles of rum (or, at least, so he says). Sparrow is usually able to use wit and cunning negotiation to talk his way out of any tricky situation - and if that fails, he is a pretty fast runner. He is also the only pirate to get away with wearing eye liner.
Weaknesses: Rum, lady pirates
Ship: Jack was once Captain of the infamous Black Pearl ship - this is until it was taken over by his mutinous first mate, Hector Barbossa.
Han Solo (Star Wars)
This galactic space pirate has skills which are out of this world!
Special Skills: Han Solo has the ability to drive the Millennium Falcon ship. He is also quite nitfy with a laser gun, as well as being the only person able to brush out the tough knots in Chewbacca's fur.
Weaknesses: Han has a fetish for women with Danish-pastry-style hair-dos. And if that wasn't bad enough, he also has the belief that he looks good in tight trousers.
Ship: He was the captain of the Millennium Falcon space ship which stretches over 26 metres. The YT-1300 light freighter's special weapons include laser cannons and concussion missiles. Perhaps he was compensating for something.
Cobra ( Cobra The Space Pirate)
Special Skills: Cobra has proven that he is able to surgically alter his face and erase his own memory. This handy skill allows Cobra to escape foes and not be recognised by anyone. He also has a Psycho-Gun embodied into his left arm.
Weaknesses: Forgetting his Psycho-Gun is on and shooting himself in the foot.
Ship: He owns the Tortuga ship, a huge space battle craft capable of taking a hit or three.
Captain Yellowbeard (Yellowbeard)
This comedy pirate is sure to bring laughter to even the toughest crew.
Special skills: He has the amazing ability to remember exactly how he got to the buried treasure the first time, even getting his crew to "Stagger, Stagger, Crawl, Crawl' in reference to his injured state at the time. Rumour has it he may have been rehearsing for a pirate remake of Thriller.
Weaknesses: He has the knack for thinking up ridiculous treasure map hiding places, such as the chimney of his wife's pub.
Captain Hook (Hook)
Once he gets his hooks into you.... well he'll be more or less stuck, too.
Special Skills: Hook has quite a reputation - legend has it that he is the only man Long John Silver ever feared. In addition, his hook provides a great place to hang your coat, or perhaps leave a few doughnut rings for later.
Weaknesses: Peter Pan, the sight of his own blood and one fateful crocodile.
Ship: Hook is the pirate captain of the Jolly Roger brig and lord of the pirate harbour in Neverland, where he is feared by almost everyone.
Captain Flint (Treasure Island)
If you want to scare people, you need a name like The Rock - not Flint.
Special Skills: Flint managed to bury £700k worth of treasure on an island in the Spanish Main.
Weakness: The only man Flint is rumoured to be afraid of is Long John Silver. A man with a wooden leg might not sound like someone to be feared...but you never know.
Ship: Flint was the captain of The Walrus, because we all know how streamline and fast walruses are..
Dread Pirate Roberts (A Princess Bride)
Special Skills: Dread Pirate Roberts keeps up his reputation of being the most feared pirate in the seven seas by portraying his ruthlessness and taking no prisoners. He is also the only pirate to get away with a face mask that makes him look like Zoro.
Weakness: The sound of a beautiful woman named Buttercup turns this pirate from strict to soppy. In addition, he just doesn't understand pirate fashion. Any good pirate needs a big hat with a feather, but instead he opts for a bandana - classy.
Ship: He was Captain of the Revenge ship. Now that's a good name, not like the Walrus.
Long John silver (Long John Silver)
Special Skills: John's secret weapon is his wooden leg - one minute it's just a wooden stick and the next.. it's still basically a wooden stick, but it comes in useful for a spontaneous games of rounders if he's in a good mood. After serving as the quartermaster under Flint, he also has a feared reputation.
Weaknesses: He can be moody if anyone mistakes his leg for firewood or challenges him to a running race.
Ship: Long John Silver sailed the Hispaniola ship to Treasure Island. If we're honest, we think the Hispaniola sounds more like a skin disease rather than a terrifying ship, but there you go.